bookreview  

 “Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda.  Live In The Present. Find Your Future.” – by Dr. Les Parrott – Book Review (Grace Han)

“Either your past is serving as a springboard to a better tomorrow, or it is the proverbial albatross keeping you from moving forward today.” pg. 16

Early in the first chapter, Dr. Les Parrot states that every living person has regrets. “If only I worked harder on my project, I could have been promoted”…“If only I had said sorry, then my kids wouldn’t hate me”…“If only I went to graduate school…if only I married him then I would be happy…if only, if only…”.  Do any of these ‘if onlys’ sound eerily familiar?  Dr. Parrot invites his readers to walk a life of freedom instead of living with the yoke of ‘if onlys’ that leads a person down the beaten path of guilt and eventually shame. For a subject we would all like to avoid, Dr. Parrot encourages his readers to venture into the territory of regret, guilt and shame.  Focusing on each feeling as having its own personality, the theme emphasized throughout the book is that the three are very much inter-connected. 

One section of the book I would like to highlight is the section on guilt. 

“Guilt is universal.  It strikes people of all ages everywhere.  No one is exempt.  Sooner or later, in some place, at some time, the disturbing feelings of guilt arise, disrupting relationships and leaving its victims in pain.” pg. 84

Guilt never strays to far away from us.  It likes hanging around, waiting for the right moment to step in and finish us off.  I believe most of us would benefit from reading just this section alone.  Do we not struggle with feeling guilty when in fact the circumstances arousing these feelings of guilt are unwarranted?  Dr. Parrot states that feeling guilty does not mean a person is in fact guilty.  Feeling does not equal fact.  When we battle with false guilt something in our reality is distorted.  The distortion, he argues, comes from a long list of “shoulds”, like “I should never make mistakes,” “I should understand and know everything” or “I should never feel hurt, get sick or feel tired.”  The list can go on and on and on.  He differentiates real guilt from false guilt, and feeling guilty from being guilty.  Practical, easily applicable tools are provided to prevent feelings of false guilt from overcoming us. 

This book is an easy read for a personal and painful topic.  Personal and fictional stories flowing throughout the pages of the book help the reader to connect with the key points in each chapter.  If you enjoy taking self-assessment tests, there are plenty throughout the book. For the reflective types, he ends every chapter with questions to further the healing along or bring a different perspective on challenging issues you may be facing. 

For those that wonder why they can not shake the dust off from the past or would like to “move on with life” but feel the weight of guilt or cannot receive God’s unconditional love, this book may be for you.  This can be your stepping stone to re-building a new life of freedom!

“For it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” – Galatians 5:1